It's begining to look a lot like Christmas.

Ya right. It's not even snowing here. December is hour's away from starting and it hasn't even snowed once (not that that is a bad thing or anything, it just doesn't look Christmas-sy)

Of course though, I can't go through any happy season without getting it ruined by someone. Namely mother figure one. She is still steaming mad because I didn't have my social insurance number. I actually looked for it. I really did, and she was freakin yelling at me because I couldn't find it. And then she had to go on and try to make me feel guilty about not visiting her over the last few summers, or Christmas's. And then she goes on about last Easter when she showed up a few day's earlier then planned and so I went to a family get together without her (I tried to let them let her come, but she doesn't mix well with people).

She wanted me to pay for me to go visit her this Christmas with an 'if-I-can' insurance that she'll pay me back. Out of my missions fund! I'm sorry, but no. And she wouldn't let up either. Every few seconds she would continue on. Once again telling me "Your seventeen girl, stop thinking about yourself", oh how I wanted to tell her the same thing. Or she told me for the millionth time since I came into existence "I am dead inside because of you."

And then she wonders why I don't visit.

I just can't take it anymore. I cannot handle her mood swings, or the fact that my life MUST revolve around her, or her screaming (she doesn't yell, she screams), or the guilt trips, everything. I can't handle it anymore.

Every time she gets angry like this she always says "How would you like it if I just stopped calling, or hung up whenever you called (she doesn't have caller ID)? Huh? How would you like that girl?" (No she does not call me by my name when she is this mad). And I almost told her to go ahead.

Do you know how sad that is? When a person doesn't care anymore if there parent stops talking to them or not?

Merry Christmas. Right.
Aurum.

Sometimes it would be nice to just disappear.

Well, today started out alright. Well actually it started out last night. My manager kicked me out at eleven (I didn't actually get out till five after, but whatever) and told someone else to do my cleaning so I would get off on time (however there was only the washrooms left as it was so slow) and that made me very happy. And then on the way home I realized the radio station I listen to was playing Christmas music, and they are playing nothing but that until after Christmas (yess!!!) That was last night. This morning was good even though I had to get up at six. I didn't talk to much on the way to school, I did devotionals, and even though I don't think I did so hot on it, it was still fine.

First class we had to recite a poem, which I did quite well (I screwed up on one line, but it was like one word different so who cares?) My next class was a spare that I read in. My friends sat with me at lunch instead of going downstairs. The tree in the lounge looks good, despite what everyone says (some say it looks terrible, but we all have agreed that it looks like an over grown Charlie Brown tree). After lunch was physc where we finished a movie, and then talked. Some spider landed on my desk and started jumping. It freaked me out. And in acting we worked on our monologues. All in all it was a great day. I stayed after school to get a ride the the UGM (Union Gospel Mission) with my Missions class, and talked with some friends while we waited.

While we were at the UGM how tired I was started kicking in as I started getting irritated at little things, but then after we were done singing I was mopping and tipped the mop bucked over by accident, and for some reason that just brightened up the mood. Some guy even told me to go eat and he'd clean up the mess for me (I asked twice if he was sure and then thanked him). While I was eating I was talking to this one guy who was really cool.

Of course the day took a down turn when I called to talk to my mom. She got mad that I hadn't looked for my social insurance number like I asked, so she could put in on some form of hers. And she freaked out at me, her boyfriend was freaking out without being on the phone and I could hear everything he was saying. I'm sorry but I don't appreciate being called stupid and an idiot. I almost hung up on her. She didn't even sound happy that I made the honour role for the first time since fourth grade, which was something she always freaked out over that I wasn't getting on it. Of course my Dad isn't here so I couldn't give him the phone (she always freaks out when he isn't there) because he is doing security for a church thing. That just dropped me off of my good-day high.

Sorry I ranted.

Aurum.

EAGLES ROCK!

Alright, short post.

I just got back from a school volleyball game (to be specific, the very hot senior boys Fraser Valley Championship volleyball game). And boy was it intense. I was there with two friends, and I nearly broke my necklace from twisting it around my fingers because I was so nervous.

So we lost the first match. Fine, just as long as the other team doesn't win two more.

Then the next match, they had twenty-four, we had twenty-two I think, and then suddenly we had twenty-three, then twenty-four, and then twenty-five (and because you have to win by two) we then had twenty-six!!!!!!!! We won that one!

Match three we basically creamed them in the next game. It wasn't intense until the very end where the other team kept getting points, buy still far enough behind. And then we won!!!!

And finally the last match! We would get a point, they would get a point, we would get one, they would get one and so on and so on until about eight points each, and then we soared we eventually were ahead by ten points (more then once actually). The final tally for that one was twenty-five for us, fourteen for them!!!!!!!!!

WE WON!!!!!!!

And seeing as last year we lost every game to this team except for the Provincials (the only game that really mattered) it was just that much sweeter! We're onto the provincials again!!!!!!!!

Oh, and their was this group of guys from grade twelve all dressed up in old uniforms, or blue trash bag capes, or one guy wore an eagle mask (and the sports rep dressed up as an eagle) as well as painting their faces blue and gold (school colours!), banging empty plastic compost buckets, and large water jugs leading us in cheers.

It was a great game.

Aurum.

Wowziz

Alrighty, so it looks like I've lost me readers *sniff sniff.* Ohs well, it's probably because I don't update enough that no one realized that i have updated (and so having not actually lost a reader, but in fact just post-poned how long it takes people to review, because I like reviews/replies).

So it turns out I am actually very clumsy. I should have realized this due to the fact that I walk into anything, lockers, doors, people, garbage cans. You name it I've walked into it. Take at work for example, I was in drive thru (as per norm) and was cleaning. I was mopping so I had my broom and dustpan by the entrance to the booth. Well a car came, and I rushed to get it, stepping too far over the broom and dustpan to ram my knee into the door, and now I have a lovely bruise on my knee for that. About an hour later, I had finished the main cleaning and was bringing some clean tray's up to the counter, and I thought (for some unknown reason why) that the counter was farther over then it was, and I walked into the wall. Of course to rebound from it, I took a step back and then went to step forward to put the tray's down, took too big of a step and walked into the counter.

OH, and before I totally absolutely completely forget (although I don't think I would since it is just that exciting) but I finally found out where I am going for my missions trip. I am going to CAMBODIA!!!!!!! I am soooo excited for it. I found out last Thursday, and I spent the morning thinking only of it (not of the class and chapel I was in), right before lunch literally jumping, and then bouncing in my seat, after lunch jumping because I was so excited that I was going to Cambodia. I had originally wanted to go to Thailand, however I was open for anywhere, and as soon as I found out I was going to Cambodia, I completely forgot about Thailand and was just excited about Cambodia!!!!!!!!

Oh, my uncle got married on Saturday. I called him on Friday to tell him about Cambodia, and then he told me he was getting married the next day. Very short notice, didn't make it to the wedding but cool non-the-less.

Also, once again it really really really really STINKS being a teenager sometimes. For example this promising not to date thing, really gets annoying. I sort of like two guys. One at school, and one at youth. However seeing as I actually know the one at school a lot better then the guy at youth I think I like him a lot more, and the guy at youth I think I would like as more of a friend. But still. The fact is I like this guy at my school, and unlike most teenage girl predicaments its no the "Oh I like him but he has no idea that I even exist" I've talked with him, have two classes with him, and have talked to him out of class, so we both know that each other exists (and he has a really cute smile) but.... ahhhhh!

Aurum.

Trick or Treat

Alright so Halloween is over. And since I have to work in less then an hour I won't go into my history lesson over it. Maybe later.

For now I will content myself with a short post. I went trick-or-treating last night with the kid I babysat. Amazingly I actually got candy despite my refusal (as I had no bag). I also took some of the girl I went withs candy as when we got home she almost went straight to sleep, I was going through it (to make sure no one tampered with it). It was all fine. I just took the stuff she doesn't like or I knew she wouldn't eat (chips). She got a ton of candy though. Seriously.

Today I went shopping, and got a Christmas CD (no music just singing. It is so pretty). And looked for Christmas gifts. Found none.

Anyway I'll just post the poem I promised you all in the last poem then go.

Self

Just be yourself -

A line that's said

Time and time again.

.

Just be yourself -

Different

Special

Unique

Like everyone else.

.

Just be yourself -

It sounds so easy.

Smile when you want

Cry when you want,

But only when the

Want is appropriate.

.

I try to be myself -

But who I am

Is not who you want.

Do you not see this

Mockery that is me?

.

You do not want me

To be myself.

My carefully spun web

Comforts you.

This smile of glass

Warms you.

Who I really am

Scares you.

.

To be myself

Is out of character.

My desperate attempts

To escape this self

Is seen as odd.

I must shape-up,

Become myself.

.

Just be yourself

You say again.

.

As if you'd let that happen.

And there it is.

Gotta go.

Aurum.

A little bit of oops :):):):)

So it's basically the end of October, and I haven't updated since the middle of September. Oops. Sorry. I do have a lot to blog about, but probably no more then twenty minutes to type this out until my spare is over and chapel begins. So I'll start with whatever I can get down now, post it, and then continue in a new post tomorrow.

Although I must say by the end of tomorrow I am going to seem drunk even though I won't have had a drink of anything. Mainly because I am already tired now, and then I have to work from four until eleven tonight, which means I won't get home until 11:30 at the earliest, or just after midnight at the latest. And then I have to wake up at six the very next morning to be at school for seven (yuck!) I don't think I have a spare I can sleep in (as all but one spare I spend with the first graders), and when I get home I have to make a cloak to go with my costume, go to my Phineas group (small group), and then take a three year old out trick-or-treating. Lovely. I am going to be soooooo tired. Then I have to work on Saturday and cover someone elses shift on Sunday. Fun.

Alright, so what else has been happening lately? I went on a Missions class retreat. We went up to Oliver BC. That was fun. We spent most of it at the Gleaners, cutting apples, laying out apple slices, laying out ground up frozen broccoli, taking dehydrated apples off of trays, and washing trays. All of this while sleeping in the orchid of the place. On the afternoon that we were there (we were there for an evening, a day, and a morning) we went and did a "Love Oliver" basically the guys in the class went and washed windows for businesses for free, and the girls split up into two different groups to hand out pink carnations. My group went to the nursing home and then walked around the streets. In my group I was the only person who (until the very very end) actually ran out of flowers. And I did that FOUR times. I had to borrow more from the people in my group, and while borrowing them from other people to give to people I was still the only one who ran out. Isn't that lovely. I also learned how really really short I am. Seriously short. Every time we got off the bus I would be stuck between two of four people. The same guy in the front whose shoulder is higher then my head, and then one of three other guys who are only slightly shorter then him. And then there's me at not even five foot. Every single time! Even if I sat no where near them! I also learned a lot about everyone there, and I was actually glade none of my friends were on the trip, because while I would have loved it, I wouldn't have gotten to know anyone else in my grade.

I've written a new poem, but it's in my locker and I don't really want to leave the computer to go get it so I will post it up tomorrow, or some day soon (I hope). I wrote it after my youth group a couple weeks ago, but it wasn't to do with just the group. It was a build up of a lot of things, and the youth group just sort of was the tip of the ice burg I guess that caused me to write it. Which at the same time stunk because I had wanted to just go home and go to bed, but instead I had a stupid poem stuck in my head that wouldn't let me sleep until I wrote it down. But now I like it. I think. I'm not sure yet.

So I took the three year old out costume shopping yesterday. Now here I was led to believe that she already had a costume. One would think that her mother would have taken her out to get one (and the fact that the three year old could talk of nothing more then her 'Boots' costume -a Dora character-). But no. Heavens forbid her mother buys her a Halloween costume. So we went looking in Value Village, and of course there is nothing really. And no Dora costumes (which she was a little upset about at first) but we finally settled on a Barbie Fairy costume, however, since my dad is going to pick her up and then come get me, I'm going to have to get him to make sure she is wearing warm clothes underneath it (as I am sure her mother won't). Me, I'm wearing a white sweater under my costume. I'm going as a blue ballerina (very original for a dancer I know). I have striped tights that I THOUGHT were blue, but in fact are purple and black. A blue tu-tu dress with gold trim, glow in the dark nail polish (not blue but whatever), fake eyelashes that are tinted purple (the blue ones were gone when I went to go get them). And hopefully a blue sequin cloak that I am going to make tomorrow. I of course am not going out for the candy (looks around innocently). I doubt I would get any anyway.

Well the bell is going to ring soon, so I'm getting off. Type to you all later.

Aurum.

So........ tired.............

As the title says I am tired. But I will get back onto that. I have to clear things up first.

First, apparently I was wrong, the girls weren't topless, they were just in there underwear, it was the guys who were a little more clotheless (yuck). And second, Anvil Island was a Grade retreat, and Frauline Bubbles was my superhero name.

Now, onto being tired. I am tired because last week was busy. Dance was tiring on Monday AND Wednesday, Tuesday I had youth and it was more emotionally exhausting. Thursday I had a closing shift at McD's (and have another one next Thursday again.) Friday we went to see the Panic Squad (them being a group of improv comedians who are VERY funny, and very clean), and then Saturday/yesterday was brutal. Fun for the most part, but brutal.

It started out by me getting up at 8:10 to be at the Tradex for the MCC Fair by 9:30 (I was a half hour early) to Volunteer for the Kids area for five hours (well four and half). I spent most of it face painting, and as it wasn't a popular station I had face paint on my face (as we all wanted to try it out to begin with) and then up both my arms when I got bored. I eventually switched with someone and started working at the fishing both giving kids the fishing rods to 'fish' for toys. And then I traded to go behind to be the 'fish' and eventual when kids stopped coming went and sat with everyone else by the face painting booth. My dad doesn't come pick me up until 3:00 an HOUR after I was done.

Then I got to go home, take a shower to get ride off all the paint (unfortunately) and then go to work to do a closing shift that was six hours long. I was, all told, working for eleven hours. Not fun. By the time I was out of McD's I was so tired my head was pounding and I could hardly walk straight. And I was talking orders! Fun.

Anyway off to bed with me, school tomorrow. (ya!!!!?)

Aurum.