Empty

This stinks. At youth we were watching this video on your potential in life, and how to live up to it (and apples and apple seeds) and while I laughed at a few of the things the guy said I didn't really feel it click. Everyone else was all "Ya! Wow! Right on!" and here was me just trying to stay awake. (It wasn't that it was boring, I was just really really tired).

Or, today in chapel, a girl from a younger grade was giving her testimony, and yes it was good, but again nothing clicked for me. In fact I usually HATE hearing testimonies because they bring on what I fondly call DCS, or Depressing Christian Syndrome. These people go through extreme hardships (or what would seam extreme to a person like me) and through it they either drift away from God, or draw closer to Him. But at the end they are always closer to God then before. Or they just randomly came to God through a bunch of circumstances and now their totally on fire for God, and they have this over flowing joy and they have to tell everyone about it or its just going to burst from them. Me on the other hand, would rather fade into the background then speak out like that, and I really don't feel any different then I did when I was a non-Christian (though I am a little more sensitive to people swearing then I was before). So in general I find the whole thing depressing because their testimonies don't motivate me to drift closer to God, nor do they push me from Him.

Who knows maybe something will eventually click with God and me one day. Until then, its just nothing. Empty. Blank.

Aurum.