So it snowed.... thankfully it didn't stick

So it finally and unfortunately snowed yesterday. At some time. I don't think I was outside when it did so. However we now have winteresc weather. Minus sixteen windchill (it's nothing honest), big wind, if it had 'rained' again today it would have been snow. To snow I say "Bah Humbug!" Unless it is Christmas Eve. Then it can snow. It can snow a lot on Christmas Eve, and say on Christmas Day, and then melt on Boxing Day and stay away until next Christmas Eve. Never gonna happen, I know.

Friday was the school Christmas Banquet. Theme: Fairy Tails. Entertainment: range from boring to absolutely pure brilliance. Sad part: The last school Christmas Banquet I will be attending. However the MC's were brilliant, the jazz band that played while we ate was a little slow and their songs all sounded the same, but whatever, and the last act was the best. Four guys, two in grade twelve two in grade eleven lip singing and dancing to Backstreet Boys 'I Want It That Way.' I nearly died of laughter. The decorations were brilliant too, with a fake castle front, thrones, love potions, 'poison,' my favorite the Prince Charming Potion, and so much more. After words we (the girls I hang out with) all went to one of our friends house and watched Thumbelina (which I fell asleep in...) and the Princess Swan (which I had been woken up for because another friend had come over so I had to move) and I stayed awake for it.

I finally got shoes for my Jazz class too, so I no longer have to wear my ballet slippers for it. However, they were sixty-three bucks (after tax) and that was at ten percent off. They is going to last me a while.

We also had our youth Christmas party, in which we had a gift exchange. The gift I brought was a large candy cane and a singing reindeer. The gift I got was the 'Are You Smarter then a Fifth Grader' board game. However at our youth we have a strange (and silly) tradition of rolling the dice. And depending on what you rolled you could do something. This year it was three, fives, nines and doubles. If you rolled one of those you had the option of trading your gift with anyone else's. I never rolled one of them, except when I still had my board game and I didn't want to trade it. But someone else did, and took the board game from me. However I got new headphones and hot chocolate. I was happy with that. But no. Someone had to take that and give me a mug. Fine. It would be nice to have a new mug that was just mine, and not my dad's too. But goodness no. Someone took that and gave me a can of root beer and a Timmies card (for those Americans and other countries and that don't know what Timmies is, Timmies is Tim Hortons, which is better then Starbucks). No one traded my for that. So I got root beer and a Timmies card. I drank the root beer, and bought me and my dad a medium candy cane hot chocolate with the card.

Anyway I am thinking of going to bed early, so night.

Aurum.

It's begining to look a lot like Christmas.

Ya right. It's not even snowing here. December is hour's away from starting and it hasn't even snowed once (not that that is a bad thing or anything, it just doesn't look Christmas-sy)

Of course though, I can't go through any happy season without getting it ruined by someone. Namely mother figure one. She is still steaming mad because I didn't have my social insurance number. I actually looked for it. I really did, and she was freakin yelling at me because I couldn't find it. And then she had to go on and try to make me feel guilty about not visiting her over the last few summers, or Christmas's. And then she goes on about last Easter when she showed up a few day's earlier then planned and so I went to a family get together without her (I tried to let them let her come, but she doesn't mix well with people).

She wanted me to pay for me to go visit her this Christmas with an 'if-I-can' insurance that she'll pay me back. Out of my missions fund! I'm sorry, but no. And she wouldn't let up either. Every few seconds she would continue on. Once again telling me "Your seventeen girl, stop thinking about yourself", oh how I wanted to tell her the same thing. Or she told me for the millionth time since I came into existence "I am dead inside because of you."

And then she wonders why I don't visit.

I just can't take it anymore. I cannot handle her mood swings, or the fact that my life MUST revolve around her, or her screaming (she doesn't yell, she screams), or the guilt trips, everything. I can't handle it anymore.

Every time she gets angry like this she always says "How would you like it if I just stopped calling, or hung up whenever you called (she doesn't have caller ID)? Huh? How would you like that girl?" (No she does not call me by my name when she is this mad). And I almost told her to go ahead.

Do you know how sad that is? When a person doesn't care anymore if there parent stops talking to them or not?

Merry Christmas. Right.
Aurum.

Sometimes it would be nice to just disappear.

Well, today started out alright. Well actually it started out last night. My manager kicked me out at eleven (I didn't actually get out till five after, but whatever) and told someone else to do my cleaning so I would get off on time (however there was only the washrooms left as it was so slow) and that made me very happy. And then on the way home I realized the radio station I listen to was playing Christmas music, and they are playing nothing but that until after Christmas (yess!!!) That was last night. This morning was good even though I had to get up at six. I didn't talk to much on the way to school, I did devotionals, and even though I don't think I did so hot on it, it was still fine.

First class we had to recite a poem, which I did quite well (I screwed up on one line, but it was like one word different so who cares?) My next class was a spare that I read in. My friends sat with me at lunch instead of going downstairs. The tree in the lounge looks good, despite what everyone says (some say it looks terrible, but we all have agreed that it looks like an over grown Charlie Brown tree). After lunch was physc where we finished a movie, and then talked. Some spider landed on my desk and started jumping. It freaked me out. And in acting we worked on our monologues. All in all it was a great day. I stayed after school to get a ride the the UGM (Union Gospel Mission) with my Missions class, and talked with some friends while we waited.

While we were at the UGM how tired I was started kicking in as I started getting irritated at little things, but then after we were done singing I was mopping and tipped the mop bucked over by accident, and for some reason that just brightened up the mood. Some guy even told me to go eat and he'd clean up the mess for me (I asked twice if he was sure and then thanked him). While I was eating I was talking to this one guy who was really cool.

Of course the day took a down turn when I called to talk to my mom. She got mad that I hadn't looked for my social insurance number like I asked, so she could put in on some form of hers. And she freaked out at me, her boyfriend was freaking out without being on the phone and I could hear everything he was saying. I'm sorry but I don't appreciate being called stupid and an idiot. I almost hung up on her. She didn't even sound happy that I made the honour role for the first time since fourth grade, which was something she always freaked out over that I wasn't getting on it. Of course my Dad isn't here so I couldn't give him the phone (she always freaks out when he isn't there) because he is doing security for a church thing. That just dropped me off of my good-day high.

Sorry I ranted.

Aurum.

EAGLES ROCK!

Alright, short post.

I just got back from a school volleyball game (to be specific, the very hot senior boys Fraser Valley Championship volleyball game). And boy was it intense. I was there with two friends, and I nearly broke my necklace from twisting it around my fingers because I was so nervous.

So we lost the first match. Fine, just as long as the other team doesn't win two more.

Then the next match, they had twenty-four, we had twenty-two I think, and then suddenly we had twenty-three, then twenty-four, and then twenty-five (and because you have to win by two) we then had twenty-six!!!!!!!! We won that one!

Match three we basically creamed them in the next game. It wasn't intense until the very end where the other team kept getting points, buy still far enough behind. And then we won!!!!

And finally the last match! We would get a point, they would get a point, we would get one, they would get one and so on and so on until about eight points each, and then we soared we eventually were ahead by ten points (more then once actually). The final tally for that one was twenty-five for us, fourteen for them!!!!!!!!!

WE WON!!!!!!!

And seeing as last year we lost every game to this team except for the Provincials (the only game that really mattered) it was just that much sweeter! We're onto the provincials again!!!!!!!!

Oh, and their was this group of guys from grade twelve all dressed up in old uniforms, or blue trash bag capes, or one guy wore an eagle mask (and the sports rep dressed up as an eagle) as well as painting their faces blue and gold (school colours!), banging empty plastic compost buckets, and large water jugs leading us in cheers.

It was a great game.

Aurum.

Wowziz

Alrighty, so it looks like I've lost me readers *sniff sniff.* Ohs well, it's probably because I don't update enough that no one realized that i have updated (and so having not actually lost a reader, but in fact just post-poned how long it takes people to review, because I like reviews/replies).

So it turns out I am actually very clumsy. I should have realized this due to the fact that I walk into anything, lockers, doors, people, garbage cans. You name it I've walked into it. Take at work for example, I was in drive thru (as per norm) and was cleaning. I was mopping so I had my broom and dustpan by the entrance to the booth. Well a car came, and I rushed to get it, stepping too far over the broom and dustpan to ram my knee into the door, and now I have a lovely bruise on my knee for that. About an hour later, I had finished the main cleaning and was bringing some clean tray's up to the counter, and I thought (for some unknown reason why) that the counter was farther over then it was, and I walked into the wall. Of course to rebound from it, I took a step back and then went to step forward to put the tray's down, took too big of a step and walked into the counter.

OH, and before I totally absolutely completely forget (although I don't think I would since it is just that exciting) but I finally found out where I am going for my missions trip. I am going to CAMBODIA!!!!!!! I am soooo excited for it. I found out last Thursday, and I spent the morning thinking only of it (not of the class and chapel I was in), right before lunch literally jumping, and then bouncing in my seat, after lunch jumping because I was so excited that I was going to Cambodia. I had originally wanted to go to Thailand, however I was open for anywhere, and as soon as I found out I was going to Cambodia, I completely forgot about Thailand and was just excited about Cambodia!!!!!!!!

Oh, my uncle got married on Saturday. I called him on Friday to tell him about Cambodia, and then he told me he was getting married the next day. Very short notice, didn't make it to the wedding but cool non-the-less.

Also, once again it really really really really STINKS being a teenager sometimes. For example this promising not to date thing, really gets annoying. I sort of like two guys. One at school, and one at youth. However seeing as I actually know the one at school a lot better then the guy at youth I think I like him a lot more, and the guy at youth I think I would like as more of a friend. But still. The fact is I like this guy at my school, and unlike most teenage girl predicaments its no the "Oh I like him but he has no idea that I even exist" I've talked with him, have two classes with him, and have talked to him out of class, so we both know that each other exists (and he has a really cute smile) but.... ahhhhh!

Aurum.

Trick or Treat

Alright so Halloween is over. And since I have to work in less then an hour I won't go into my history lesson over it. Maybe later.

For now I will content myself with a short post. I went trick-or-treating last night with the kid I babysat. Amazingly I actually got candy despite my refusal (as I had no bag). I also took some of the girl I went withs candy as when we got home she almost went straight to sleep, I was going through it (to make sure no one tampered with it). It was all fine. I just took the stuff she doesn't like or I knew she wouldn't eat (chips). She got a ton of candy though. Seriously.

Today I went shopping, and got a Christmas CD (no music just singing. It is so pretty). And looked for Christmas gifts. Found none.

Anyway I'll just post the poem I promised you all in the last poem then go.

Self

Just be yourself -

A line that's said

Time and time again.

.

Just be yourself -

Different

Special

Unique

Like everyone else.

.

Just be yourself -

It sounds so easy.

Smile when you want

Cry when you want,

But only when the

Want is appropriate.

.

I try to be myself -

But who I am

Is not who you want.

Do you not see this

Mockery that is me?

.

You do not want me

To be myself.

My carefully spun web

Comforts you.

This smile of glass

Warms you.

Who I really am

Scares you.

.

To be myself

Is out of character.

My desperate attempts

To escape this self

Is seen as odd.

I must shape-up,

Become myself.

.

Just be yourself

You say again.

.

As if you'd let that happen.

And there it is.

Gotta go.

Aurum.

A little bit of oops :):):):)

So it's basically the end of October, and I haven't updated since the middle of September. Oops. Sorry. I do have a lot to blog about, but probably no more then twenty minutes to type this out until my spare is over and chapel begins. So I'll start with whatever I can get down now, post it, and then continue in a new post tomorrow.

Although I must say by the end of tomorrow I am going to seem drunk even though I won't have had a drink of anything. Mainly because I am already tired now, and then I have to work from four until eleven tonight, which means I won't get home until 11:30 at the earliest, or just after midnight at the latest. And then I have to wake up at six the very next morning to be at school for seven (yuck!) I don't think I have a spare I can sleep in (as all but one spare I spend with the first graders), and when I get home I have to make a cloak to go with my costume, go to my Phineas group (small group), and then take a three year old out trick-or-treating. Lovely. I am going to be soooooo tired. Then I have to work on Saturday and cover someone elses shift on Sunday. Fun.

Alright, so what else has been happening lately? I went on a Missions class retreat. We went up to Oliver BC. That was fun. We spent most of it at the Gleaners, cutting apples, laying out apple slices, laying out ground up frozen broccoli, taking dehydrated apples off of trays, and washing trays. All of this while sleeping in the orchid of the place. On the afternoon that we were there (we were there for an evening, a day, and a morning) we went and did a "Love Oliver" basically the guys in the class went and washed windows for businesses for free, and the girls split up into two different groups to hand out pink carnations. My group went to the nursing home and then walked around the streets. In my group I was the only person who (until the very very end) actually ran out of flowers. And I did that FOUR times. I had to borrow more from the people in my group, and while borrowing them from other people to give to people I was still the only one who ran out. Isn't that lovely. I also learned how really really short I am. Seriously short. Every time we got off the bus I would be stuck between two of four people. The same guy in the front whose shoulder is higher then my head, and then one of three other guys who are only slightly shorter then him. And then there's me at not even five foot. Every single time! Even if I sat no where near them! I also learned a lot about everyone there, and I was actually glade none of my friends were on the trip, because while I would have loved it, I wouldn't have gotten to know anyone else in my grade.

I've written a new poem, but it's in my locker and I don't really want to leave the computer to go get it so I will post it up tomorrow, or some day soon (I hope). I wrote it after my youth group a couple weeks ago, but it wasn't to do with just the group. It was a build up of a lot of things, and the youth group just sort of was the tip of the ice burg I guess that caused me to write it. Which at the same time stunk because I had wanted to just go home and go to bed, but instead I had a stupid poem stuck in my head that wouldn't let me sleep until I wrote it down. But now I like it. I think. I'm not sure yet.

So I took the three year old out costume shopping yesterday. Now here I was led to believe that she already had a costume. One would think that her mother would have taken her out to get one (and the fact that the three year old could talk of nothing more then her 'Boots' costume -a Dora character-). But no. Heavens forbid her mother buys her a Halloween costume. So we went looking in Value Village, and of course there is nothing really. And no Dora costumes (which she was a little upset about at first) but we finally settled on a Barbie Fairy costume, however, since my dad is going to pick her up and then come get me, I'm going to have to get him to make sure she is wearing warm clothes underneath it (as I am sure her mother won't). Me, I'm wearing a white sweater under my costume. I'm going as a blue ballerina (very original for a dancer I know). I have striped tights that I THOUGHT were blue, but in fact are purple and black. A blue tu-tu dress with gold trim, glow in the dark nail polish (not blue but whatever), fake eyelashes that are tinted purple (the blue ones were gone when I went to go get them). And hopefully a blue sequin cloak that I am going to make tomorrow. I of course am not going out for the candy (looks around innocently). I doubt I would get any anyway.

Well the bell is going to ring soon, so I'm getting off. Type to you all later.

Aurum.

So........ tired.............

As the title says I am tired. But I will get back onto that. I have to clear things up first.

First, apparently I was wrong, the girls weren't topless, they were just in there underwear, it was the guys who were a little more clotheless (yuck). And second, Anvil Island was a Grade retreat, and Frauline Bubbles was my superhero name.

Now, onto being tired. I am tired because last week was busy. Dance was tiring on Monday AND Wednesday, Tuesday I had youth and it was more emotionally exhausting. Thursday I had a closing shift at McD's (and have another one next Thursday again.) Friday we went to see the Panic Squad (them being a group of improv comedians who are VERY funny, and very clean), and then Saturday/yesterday was brutal. Fun for the most part, but brutal.

It started out by me getting up at 8:10 to be at the Tradex for the MCC Fair by 9:30 (I was a half hour early) to Volunteer for the Kids area for five hours (well four and half). I spent most of it face painting, and as it wasn't a popular station I had face paint on my face (as we all wanted to try it out to begin with) and then up both my arms when I got bored. I eventually switched with someone and started working at the fishing both giving kids the fishing rods to 'fish' for toys. And then I traded to go behind to be the 'fish' and eventual when kids stopped coming went and sat with everyone else by the face painting booth. My dad doesn't come pick me up until 3:00 an HOUR after I was done.

Then I got to go home, take a shower to get ride off all the paint (unfortunately) and then go to work to do a closing shift that was six hours long. I was, all told, working for eleven hours. Not fun. By the time I was out of McD's I was so tired my head was pounding and I could hardly walk straight. And I was talking orders! Fun.

Anyway off to bed with me, school tomorrow. (ya!!!!?)

Aurum.

Dr. Pepper!

So how are you all? I'm great. Tired, beyond tired really, but great. Last week was hectic and that is why I am tired.

Last week started out with a Monday of school (duh). Tuesday I got to carry a heavy backpack full of clothes, and a sleeping bag to school, to get on a bus to go to Vancouver to get on a boat to go to an island and then did stuff on the island. Wednesday I was still at the island for half the day, then I had to take the bag BACK to the boat to go back to Vancouver to get back on the bus to go back to school. Fun I know. And then Thursday was normal. Friday I had to get up at six twenty in the morning to catch a ride with a guy I don't really know to be at school by the time I normally wake up (seven) for a missions class meeting, then go to one class before getting on a bus to go back to Vancouver to go to Bard on the Beach (a Shakespeare play festival) to watch The Tempest, and then back on the bus to go back to school, then go to my Oma's to have dinner, and then off to my dad's small group. Add into this dance on Monday, and then on Wednesday (only to find out Wednesday was cancelled) I am tired. I know this is very simplistic, but I will go into detail shortly.

Starting off with the grade retreat. So all the grade 12's are in the front area of the school, waiting for the bus. Turns out one of the buses is a little odd. Mainly because one row of seats fit two people (as bus seats normally do) and the other only fit one. So we were cramming two people onto a one seater, and three onto a two seater. But then they got another bus to load most of that bus onto. However there was so many of us that some got to stay on the weird bus. So me and my friends took the first five seats on the weird bus, and the other group took the last five seats. I know we are just that weird that people want a ten seat radius between us and them. But eventually we get to Vancouver and have to move the bags from van (that they were in) to boat. We all made it onto the boat and start sailing to Anvil Island. After about twenty minutes every one was at the front of the boat, because it was cold (which makes us all weird in that we stood out in the cold), and windy and the waves were quite choppy. There was ocean spray everywhere. Eventually the crew kicked us off the front of the boat to go do other things.

Once at Anvil Island we got out cabins and started the first activity. A photo scavenger hunt, in which we went with our whole cabin and one camera to take pictures with as many people from our group as possible in with the various different requirements, and being as creative as possible. Then we got to dress up as super hero's (I was Frauline Bubbles) for dinner, and then for another game of going around try to do various tasks. I didn't like it. Then we had chapel which was create, and then we played Jeopardy, and the funniest thing happened.

Reason why: So one of the categories was POP. Question was "Is the king of pop" real answer: "Michael Jackson" answer that the first person gave: "What is Dr. Pepper?" to which everyone burst out laughing. We go onto other topics, and eventually get back to the POP category, and what just happens to be the next question in that category, why: "How many flavours does Dr. Pepper have?" Honestly I am not joking with you.

Apparently a lot of stuff happened that night, from girls running around topless (so glad I didn't see that), to boys running around in their boxers going into random cabins, hitting people with pillows and throwing fire crackers into cabins. I, amazingly, slept through all of that.

The next day was some massive food fight that I didn't participate in, and then swimming in the ocean. However there was only two ways into the water. A) Walk in from the shore. B) Jump in from the dock. Unfortunately there was algy on the rocks in the water so I couldn't just walk in, and then if I jumped in from the dock I wouldn't be able to touch the bottom, and I can't swim in water that I can't touch the bottom in, so I didn't swim (much to my friends dismay).

After lunch we loaded everything back onto the boat to take the trek home. The boat ride was smoother this time, and we were on charter buses. However my seat; which was a window seat; was not right against the window, and the head rests were flat, so I had no where to comfortably lean my head on to sleep. So I got a kink in my neck from sleeping sitting up with my head on my shoulder.

And that was Anvil Island.

Friday was Bard on the Beach with my English Lit class.

The Tempest is a great play. It's funny, the little romance (between Miranda and Ferdinand) was small and subtle. Watching the performance was amazing. However, a few things irked me. One being the fact that Caliban is supposed to be UGLY! However the guy who was playing him was HOT. It is so hard to be mad at a character when he is that good looking! And then they made Trinculo and Stephano; the drunk men who Caliban claims is his gods because they have 'celestial liquor' are changed into Trincula and Stephana, two drunk ladies of the time. It added a lot more sexual stuff (innocently almost) to the play then was necessary, no matter how funny it became. Then during intermission I bought a shirt with the quote "We are such stuff as dreams are made on" on it. It was a little over priced I think though. It was $26. Then there was a 20% discount making down to $21, and then after taxes $25 (or $24). I was stiffed methink. However I do like the shirt. Anyway I am going to pause here because I have other stuff to do (like help with the grade ones). I am not posting this ASAP, but will work on it later (which then really doesn't effect you all does it, as you will read it all at once?) OH well. Toodles for the moment.

Oops, nothing left to write. Hehe sorry. Off to youth which FINALLY STARTS TONIGHT!!!

Aurum.

And so begins the year of school

Alright, I lied. I did not post what I was thinking the day after my last post like I said I would. Sorry. However it was one of those things that I should have just spat out to begin with, because after a good nights sleep I decided I didn't want to post it on here. Sorry.

So anyway here I am back at school. In the middle of the school day, online, blogging. I know I know, what is this crazy girl doing?!? However I am in my spare (sorry 'study') that I get once a day. Fun fun fun. Well only for half the year and I plan on helping out the grade one class during this spare so I won't be blogging on here much then, but when I am not helping and have something to report I shall, and will. I hope. Now lets see, before this block I had Lit. First class of the first day and I already had homework. Sad I know. I had to read the first act of The Tempest (Sheackspears last play). We read most of it in Lit so it wasn't that big of a deal. Next (after lunch) I have Psych (ya! I spelled it right *and then almost spelled 'spelled' wrong) and then acting. Yes I know I have a VERY lax year.

Oh and by next Saturday I should have some things of interest to report as I will have spent a grand total of two days in school. Amazing I know. But that's the wonders of gradutating and having lit. We have our grade retreat on Tuesday and Wednsday and on Friday the Lit class is going to go see The Tempest at Bard on the Beach.

Now what else has passed. Why what else but I'M FINALLY 17!!!

And I had to work on my birthday. Not fun, I know. But it was still great. And then afterwords I went to a friend of my dad's house because he was holding a BBQ for the youth group (not the whole youth showed up, most of the younger kids, and some of the older ones). But there was a birthday cake there. It was great.

And now I have nothing else to type out at this moment. I am bored stiff, have no clue what I am supposed to do during a spare when I have nothing to do. No homework, no stories to write(well I could start writing but I don't want to save it), no friends to bug. However most of my friends (well the guys, and one girl) are in my spare, however she is doing something else at the moment and I don't want to be the evil little friend and disrupt her. So yes the no friends to bug is mostly my fault.

Anyway lunch is soon so I'm getting off.

Oh one more thing, chicken 'salad' (flaked chicken) from a can smells like cat food.

Aurum.

Hello from the world of little to no sleep.

As the title suggests I am a little tired. You see Thursday night to Friday morning I got four hours of sleep. Friday night to Saturday morning was another four hours of sleep. I might have gotten six hours of sleep between Saturday night and Sunday morning. I can't remember how much sleep I got between Sunday and Monday, but I worked on Monday so that took a lot of my energy. I got about eight hours between Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday (last night) I spent the night at a friends and got about six and a half hours sleep. So I am a little tired. But oh well. Nothing can be done about that. I'll eventually get my sleep schedule all worked out again so I won't be this tired and out of it for school.

Wow I got distracted easily. I started this post at eleven thirty, it's now ten to one. Oops. Facebook. He he. *blushes and looks away*

Anyway what I wanted to post on here was SOME of what I talked about with my friend last night. (Only a few things because some of it was something that was just between us, and some things I have glued, zipped, and sown my lips to keep myself from spilling it).

So anyway as always seams to happen when the two of us get together, the majority of our talking revolves around two things. Guys and God. I honestly don't talk about God as much anywhere else (even at Church) then I do in a good two-three hours with my friend. We also talk about school. She's home schooled, and I've been to public and private school, and we go over the pro's and con's of both. So out of this there is two things I want to post, and then I am going to go and hit the sack (well more of fall on the sack) for the night.

The first is about guys. I think it sucks being a teenager in the time frame that I live in. Especially a Christian teenager. Because there is all this pressure to 'just do it.' And as a Christian you can't just jump into bed with someone and do it. There is this whole ceremony called a wedding that has to happen first. As well I am not allowed to date (according to my lovable youth leaders) until I am old enough to get married. Which means all but ignoring guys as anything more then friends. Which at times sucks. Especially now that I hang out with guys. I start noticing things, like 'oh this one is such a gentlemen' or 'you can tell that this one really loves his girlfriend' or 'this one looks cute'. However, rest easy my lovable youth leaders, I don't want to date any of them. They need to grow up a bit more. Or at youth. It's new to me there to. At my old youth we really went the Menno way, girls sat on one side boys on the other and never the two shall meet (not because the youth paster wouldn't let us, we just didn't mix), here I've been sitting there writing, and sure girls will ask to read it (which I am totally used too) but what is really shocking is some of the guys will come sit next to me and ask to read what I'm writing. If I let them (which I usually do) they read it, say they like it (no one has yet to tell me they hate my writing, besides me. I wish someone would) and leave.

And then I also notice how one guy at the youth is even more of a gentlemen then the others, or how this one has a sense of humor, or this one sings nice, or this one is a bad boy (but not really I don't think he is at heart), and so on and so on.

That is why it sucks to be a Christian teenager at the turn of the twenty-first century.

Then why it would suck to be a teenage guy at the turn of the twenty-first century. If you look around at add's, it's always women half dressed in clothes that reveal way to much. And if they guy wants to stay pure he has to try not to look at these, and that has to be excrusiatingly hard to do. Add that to the fact that I think God gives every guy a desire to protect, and take care of girls and that today's society tells guys if they do that they are abusive or they try to feminise guys, they probably have no clue what to do.

It probably sucks even worse to be a teenage guy then a girl.

And the whole marriage thing in general. People don't marry until they are in there twenties (it is now moving to thirties). However people become ready (and biologically willing) to have kids around thirteen-fifteen. Add that to the fact you are now waiting ten years after that to get married, hormone's are everywhere. It SUCKS! (Yes I know I use that word a lot).

I am tempted to leave part two out for another day. And I think I will because A) I am dead tired. B) This post is already really long. and C) It's of the nature that I think should get a fresh post. I'll post it tomorrow promise.

(Oh and to my loveable wonderful youth leaders you haven't posted any comments lately *although with a new baby it's understandable why*)

Anyways night people.

Aurum.

Toonies and Toy makers.

Hey people. Wow... I lost the great intro to this post I had planned. (Alright I didn't have a great intro, but it would have been nice). So without further rambling...... THIS POST!

Lets see, at work I've started working in booth (the window you pull up to to order and pay for you meal before going on to pick up the food, in drive thru), done that for the last three shifts. Two of them I was covering for someone else, and she was supposed to be in booth so I was put in there, and the other one I was just placed in there. It's fun, a little boring at times, a little rushed at others. It's boring when you have no cars, you've washed all the tables (twice) all the tray's are clean, and the floor has been swept countless amounts of times, it's really boring cause then you have NOTHING to do. You can't even go stalk up on things your missing in case a car does come. On the flip side of that, it can be hectic when the tables need to be cleaned, or window (in the store where you order food) has no tray's and you want to clean them but cars keep coming so you can't. But it's fun. Also you don't have to worry about giving them the right food, just punching it in.

Yesterday was my best day at it so far, I only screwed up three times (I forgot to give someone *my cousin* fries, I closed the till before giving some guy his change *in all honesty it was because the last six or so people before him kept giving me exact change* and I had a coupon that I had no clue on how to use, and the guy couldn't speak English properly so I couldn't understand him).

Oh and I was working until 10pm yesterday and around 8pm I ran completely out of ketchup, and that was when all the cars just started coming and coming and coming and coming and coming, and I was low on sweet and sour sauce, had no salsa for feta's (sp?) (but in all honesty I had none to begin with), low on girl toys, I was alright with the BBQ sauce, but the only thing I had an abundance of was Mac sauce (mayo). In the till I had an abundance of twenties (seriously), fives, debt recets, and most change.

I did run out of toonie's at one point. And nickles. And pennies. But with the nickles I found a roll of what I thought was toonie's (which turned out to be two dollars in nickles). The toonie's I was tempted to buzz the front to ask for a roll of them, but I had enough loonie's, and then the toonie's just kept coming in until I had no toonie crises anymore. I decided God did that. You know it's little things like that that make one remember God is thinking of them.

And then I ran out of pennies. I was down to one penny. I buzzed the front and asked for a roll of pennies. I was told sure, but I never got them. Eventually I had no pennies, so I ended up doing one of two things. I would either tell the customer "I'm supposed to give you bla-da-bla 2 cents, but I don't have 2 cents" and they were fine with it, or i would just round it up to the nearest five. I survived.

Wow, five paragraphs on work. I have no life.

Alright, away from work stuff, since it is probably boring most of you to death (I find it all fascinating and such, but that's just me). When I got home that night, had my dinner (a nice plate of mac and cheese *not the KD junk, real mac with cheese whiz -although grated cheese is the best-*) and was settling in to watch NCIS, House, and Numb3rs (I missed NCIS though) I had quickly gone to the washroom, and in the mirror I noticed my hair looked weird (product of a ton of hairspray) which got me to thinking of how somewheres in the Bible it says something about the hairs on your head is counted (very random jump I know) and then I could almost picture God as this old toymaker, you know, long gray beard with long white hair, in a leather apron, working by on oil lamp with a wax doll sitting in front of Him, and taking one hair at a time, heating it up, applying it to the doll's head and going "one, two..... three thousand forty-two... eight thousand..." and so on, and then going 'EUREKA! A masterpiece' when He finished.

Random I know.

Anyway... this was an odd post, most of it was about work. But I should go for now.

Aurum.

Rebellion

Hey people, how's it going? I'm going great. Life's great, works great (a little painful on the feet, and mind trying to find the correct food hidden in the pop-ups), everything's great-great. My lungs have decided to rebel against me, but that's a little unavoidable and probably to be expected. (I'll get back to that later).

So lets see, what's been going on since I updated. I had my first two shifts at McD's. Those were fun. On the first one I learned how to make McFlurries (I hate making them, the machine doesn't like me), ice cream, iced coffee, coffee, pop, and fries, as well as how to work the till. The till is so darn confusing. Most of it is straight forward, but then there is just a few things that are well hidden, like the fact that an ice cream cone is with the value meals not desserts, and such. The next shift I was just on till, and boy what a fun day that was. I had two guys that spoke only Spanish, a couple people (in groups) that would interrupt me in the middle of taking their order so I could let them into the bathroom, and a guy who I don't think was all there upstairs. But the rest of the people were nice. But they NEVER STOPPED COMING! That's a good thing, no customers, no work, but we were low on cups, and fries (they would be made, and gone in seconds) and every time I went to stock up cups more people would show up. But I'm not complaining, it was quite fun.

Yesterday was the lady I babysit for's birthday. Well it's more of my dad babysits the kid. And they are more of family friends (the kid is like a little whinny bratty sister). We got here a little chest type box, with three necklaces and matching earrings to put in it.

I finished reading a book called 'Comes a Horseman' yesterday (took me three days to read it because the chapters were odd, and I had a friend over). It was one of those end of the world books, only slightly different. Instead of actually having the antichrist there taking over the world, and a couple people actually over-throwing him and the world going back to normal (which would never happen, even in fiction), it had a guy originally trying to scam people into thinking he was the antichrist to actually believing he was, but he never wasn't. And the people who 'overthrow' him (killed him really) were only doing it to save their lives (he wanted them, and one of the characters kid dead). It's a good book. Not the best thing I've ever read (if you read it out loud it's choppy and awkward, but it's already for a silent read) but it definitely is worth being read.

I've come up with a new story idea. In this time the government are closing down normal high schools and sending teens to boarding schools based on a series of test that they have done on the teens to see what would be the best carrier choice for them, and then place them in the correct school that will push them into that carrier choice. My MC is in one of the last open high schools and it was just shut down. She is sent to a school away from her friends, to one of the smallest of boarding schools. Their she is put threw different things like fencing, self defense, marksmanship and such. At first she (and everyone else) doesn't even know what their carrier path is, but it turns out they are being trained to be assassins (I have a fascination with assassin characters) and my character refuses to be that. Whole plot develops around that.

And this point my two youth leaders (if they are reading, but no longer commenting....*hint*) are shaking their heads going "What is wrong with this girl?"

Today I have very little plans. Probably watch some episodes of House (it's an interesting show, that I think has some religious of some sort person on the writing team as they are always wrestling over the concept of God *on a doctor show* but never reach a conclusion), I plan to go to Value Village because they have Cabbage Patch dolls for 29 cents. (well its the kind you assemble yourself). I'll probably make it today or tomorrow.

I have come to realize something, this blog start out so I could really map out where I've been as a Christian, and it just sort of turn out into a blog for me to just post just about anything on. But I guess that's just a little unavoidable, I tend to blabber on about the unimportant and completely forget about the important so...

So anyway before I post this up and then leave to get my Cabbage Patch Doll I should expand on what I was talking about earlier (if you have forgotten, the first paragraph about the rebelling lungs).

So lets see about them, it's nothing big. They're a little tight (sort of like something is sitting on them), well not now. They are fine at the moment, but it fluctuates. I have no clue why I am posting about breathing problems but... oh well. It's like I said earlier, to be expected and some what unavoidable. Wonders of being me. Out grow asthma, it returns (it's not fun. But to be honest I don't think its actually back seeing as I can still breathe for the most part, not wheezing, no coughing, only a small amount of shortness of breath with tightness, I's fine).

Anyway, I don't plan on ending this on a downward somewhat depressing note so... ... ... ... ...

It's a nice sunny blue sky day outside today, Pepper (my sausage of a cat) is alive and well (and suffering from feline obesity), I'm alive, you're alive, I'm not suffering from writers block, and my birthday is in just over a month (YIPPEE!)

Have a great day people!

Until next time

Aurum.

House of James - the ultimate book destination?

I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to primarily be a Christian author. For a few reasons. One there is a certain stigma that comes with being a Christian author, that your book is going to be crammed full of Bible verses and the character always being a 'perfect little Christian'. I don't want my books to be about that. Then I find a large portion of Christian authors don't write as well as they could (amazing Christian authors like Ted Dekker, and Frank Perretti excluded). A friend of mine blows it off by saying 'well who is it for the glory of?' For God I know. But sometimes I think God is sitting up in heaven hitting the heal of His hand to His forehead going 'Children I have given you this special talent. Use it well. To the best of your ability. Don't write half heartedly.' For me I'd rather read a well written story that isn't by a Christian author, then a not so well written predictable Bible-verse crammed, easy allusions to Bible story packed books that are written by Christians 'for the glory of God'. I don't see why a book is so much better because it is in the House of James (or any other Christian book store) then it is at Coles, or Chapters, or Borders, or any other secular book store. I want to write books that Christians AND non-Christians will love. That can be sold in Christian books stores, AND Coles. I don't always want to have a Christian MC (main character) who goes to church and reads her Bible and prays when she wakes up before each meal and before bed. I'm not saying I'm never going to have Christian MC's, but I don't want all of them to be. I want real characters and not all real people are Christians.

See I want to write books that do glorify God, but not by being a half hearted attempt to copy the Bible (although I do have a story idea from one of the parables that Jesus told). I don't want to just write books for the Christians who already know God. I want to write books for the non-Christians who I can subtly point the direction to the path that will lead them to God. I want to write books that celebrate how different people are (although I don't think I'll have a Muslim or Sikh MC. Only Christian, Atheist, and Agnostic MC's). I want to write books that don't always make Christians look like the good guys (because we aren't always good people) but at the same time I don't want to slander them. I want to write books that reach out to people of all kinds, that they can get anywhere, not having to go to a Christian book store to do so.

I want to be an author who is a Christian, not a Christian author.

That being said I will have stories of girls (as I know nothing of how guys think I don't think I ever could have a male MC) who are Christians, and rely on God for everything. But the things that happen to them won't happen because they are Christians, they happen because they are human. But they get through it by being Christians, and relying on God.

I want to write clean books that don't have sex scenes, and swearing (although some non-christian character might get the 'a string of profanities left their mouth' line that so subtly hints at swearing), but at the same time I want to characters and situations to seam real.

I've caught meself in a delima me thinks.

Aurum.

Quick update

So I said in the last post that I put in an application at McDonald's and that my interview was this morning. Well I went to it, and I GOT THE JOB! I'm happy.

Church was a little different today today, a lot of people had sour or depressed looks (from what I could see), and the lights had been dimmed a lot. Wired. Anyway, I'm dead tired. Heat tends to do that to a person I think, makes them tired. So anyway, I'm going to bed.

Night.

Aurum.

Anything new?

Hey people. Apparently I haven't updated in a while, and I should. Problem being nothing fascinating or interesting has happened. My cousin is about to pop, I've been out of school for two weeks now, and took my one and only exam (German. The only two things I remembered without a doubt were dative preps because of a song, and reflexive pronouns. But I think I did good on it).

The job hunting isn't going so hot. Of the five places I applied for (Blockbuster, Value Village, Garden Fresh, House of James, and Starbucks) I got no calls back. Although I dropped off an application and resume at McDonald's today (my aunt's idea) and I have my first interview tomorrow morning at 9:45, which means I'm going to be late for church. Blame this on being out of school. I totally forgot today was Saturday, so I agreed to the time and didn't realize until after I left that there was church the next day. So I'm going to be late, but I'll still go.

Other then that, there is nothing really to tell. I got a new bathing suit. My old one had this ugly 'v' neck that dipped down WAY to low. I didn't like it, but I lost my one piece a couple years ago and every time I thought that I needed a new one no one had the money for it. Finally I got a new one. There is still a 'v' neck because at Wal-Mart there is no such thing as modest AND pretty. There's modest and frumpy, or pretty and not as modest. I think the one I got is good though. It's a two piece, the bottom is attached to a skirt (and it's length would allow me to wear it to school, but I won't too short for school for me). The 'v' neck doesn't go too deep, but it's also a halter top. It even has fabric under it for around the stomach, which I like because then it doesn't look like I'm swimming in a bra (a problem I have with bathing suits). When I tried it on at home I looked at it in the mirror I realized that it looked like something some women would wear for a night out on the town. I'll stick to it being a bathing suit. Oh, and it's black and red. Black background with a pretty red design.

Other then that there really is nothing. I started a story called Assassin's Daughter, but I haven't quite figured out how to get my main character right. So then I started a story on the side called Dreamwatcher. The first scene won't get on paper the way I saw wrote it in my head. It's not going so hot either. Sometimes I think writing is the hardest and most pointless thing ever, and yet I keep writing, it keeps me sane and I'm told I'm actually good at it (I have yet to agree. My writing isn't that great).

Well I guess I really still have nothing to talk about. I'm listening to Extreme Praise, and typing this. I'll probably get off and read while listening to the radio (same station just on my alarm clock instead of the computer).

Well night people. Talk to ya later.

Aurum.

So much fun!

Alright, quick recap, I no longer feel the need to hug this person who doesn't even exist. There is six (technically seven, but the last day doesn't really count) school days of school left before summer. And I plan to apply at Blockbuster for a summer and grade 12 job. I'm still reading through Jeremiah, and I have found a fondness for two Veggie Tales songs (Yo Ho Hero by Newsboys, and Pirates Who Don't Do Anything by Relient K).

Now tonight was the year end dance show for my dance studio. I had one Jazz dance (done to Black Horse and a Cherry Tree) and one Ballet dance (Skaters Waltz). Both of them had to have my hair slicked back. So before I left (I started getting ready at two) I put my hair into a ponytail (for Jazz) glomped on the gel to make sure that it was slick, and then loaded on the hairspray to make sure that nothing came loose. Then I put on this dark liquid foundation that darkened me face, layered on the blush, lipstick, eyeshadow, and eyeliner, and over did the mascara, so I did look like a clown. I had to sow a hole up in my ballet tights (and then they got a big run in them, which thankfully was covered by the ballet costume). After the Jazz dance we all quickly got changed into our ballet costume (we -the other girls in my class and I- didn't think it would take as long as it did) and I put MORE gel into my ponytail, and then a friend of mine twisted it into a bun for me, and loaded on more of the hairspray. Add this to the fact that earlier the owner of the studio came around and put sparkling hair spray on everyone. My hair made crinkling sounds when I took it out.

But by far the best part was the finally. I thought we'd go on, curtsy (with the whole studio) the owner would give out her thanks to the teachers and the dancers, and we'd leave. No, of course not. We were all lined up (for some reason they put ALL the teen dancers in the front of the line) and then we did the 'train' on stage, off stage, on through the next wing, off again, on through the next wing and stop so that their was three lines. Then the reason why they put the teens up front in front of all the little kids was made obvious, they dropped balloons onto the little ones, and had a couple girls come running in with silly string spraying it into the the crowd of dancers, which hit only the people in the front row (the teens) so it didn't scare the little kids. And then, THEN they put on the macarena, so all the teens and some other older classes did the macarena, and then the CHICKEN DANCE. It was so much fun.

Anyway, I'm dead tired, but I had to report this.

Type to ya later.

Aurum.

Unforgetable dreams

Hehe, oops. I haven't updated (almost) at all this month. I keep meaning too, and then I forget. Sorry. :s

Anyway... This month I've done basically nothing. When to school, went to youth, went to church, went to dance. We had our dance recital dress rehearsal a couple days ago. One of my dance teachers/owner of the studio wasn't there because she was having her baby (I don't know what it is though).

Oh I found out teachers somethings really have to watch what they say. Especially at a Christian school. Today during devotions our teacher was asking this question, and it was a good question to think about (why do we and how do we tell non-Christians they need to be Christians). But as she was talking she had mentioned something about how she doesn't know for certain whether or not God is 100% real or not. She says from what she's read in science that it seams that there is an inelegant designer and that we didn't rise up from slime, but she says we have no 100% proof that our God is the true God. And that truly through me off balance, because I rely a lot on what other people believe. (Not that I believe what I believe because other people believe it, but more of who are older then believe in something, and especially if they are good role models I try to follow them in some things). So this is why I think teachers (and people in general) have to be careful what they say around people.

Tonight has been interesting. I spent the evening and until 9:30 with my friends. We ended up playing pool, Wariowar (or something like that. It's a Wii game), Mario Cart (on Wii) and Smash Bros (again on Wii). It was a fun night.

And now onto the topic of which this post is titled after. A dream I had last night. And it wasn't one of those dreams that you sort of forget. It also wasn't a dream that when awake I could have mistaken to be real. (And I mean wide awake, not the half awake state you are when you just wake up). And most of this dream I have forgotten except for one little part of the dream, and it is annoying me. Because I am hugging this guy, who in my dream I am in love with. But he's training for something, or something along those lines, (basically he's under someone else's control. He has to do what they tell him to), but his teacher, master, whatever has given him, allotted him, whatever two minutes. And he is promising he will either find a way out, or find a way for me to get in so that we can be together. And then I woke up (there was a lot more before this part but I can't remember it). And the thing that is driving me over the edge is that whenever I start thinking of this dream (and it pops into my head frequently) my arms feel empty (like I should be hugging something) and my heart feels like its breaking, which is stupid because ITS JUST A DREAM! And heck, I don't even know the dudes name (but more importantly, its just a dream!)

Oh, and the dream took place in a crowded room with grey chairs (sort of like the chairs at my church, office waiting chairs without arm rests). And I was sitting in one isle, and he was sitting in the other, and then we were suddenly behind the sections of seats I was sitting in hugging. But it is a really annoying thing to keep remembering it, and feeling like I still should be hugging him. Grrrrr.

Well anyway it's sorta late, and I'm sorta really really really really really really tired. So ya. Night!

Aurum.

Ups downs and hangnails.

Ello wonderful people out there. I haven't updated in a while, so I'm popping in a post. So lets see, since I last posted I've finished the school play (it was a blast, I did nothing, but sit there and watch the play every night!), I've started and finished a gingerbread house for foods class (and hated it and loved it at different times), went swimming, started some new thing in my math class, and did absolutely nothing. Yes I have no life.

On the bright side its my dads 42nd birthday today. I got him a wallet as his old one was falling apart. He got himself Guitar Hero. It's actually quite fun.

And boy do I get side tracked easily. I start out writing this out, and I end up on Facebook sending a message to someone that I haven't talked to in years, and it took ten minutes to write out one sentence. I let my mind wander to much. And I ramble on to much. I guess its just cause I don't want to type out what I actually want to type out. There's just something about putting down what your thinking that makes it real, and then posting it for anyone to see. I know most people probably don't know me, its just those that actually know me that I'm worried about.

(Distracted again)

Maybe I just won't type it out. Thoughts are supposed to be private right? Besides who knows who reads these besides the two wonderful people who post comments. I don't really need to have the whole world inside my upside down and twisted mind.

I wonder how many people are brimming with curiosity of what I'm talking about now? Ohs well *shrugs*.

I'm writing a book series right now. Its a little different then my normal stories. (If you can call them normal). There's no mythical creatures, no demons, no scary bogymen. Just a girl, and a mirror, and the two people she meets on the other side of the mirror. Its different, for me anyway. Its probably a lot like other books out there though.

Alright, enough with the pity party. I'll come back and post later, hopefully with a post that makes more sense then this jumble that I've posted.

Nighty-night wonderful people.

Aurum.

Hmmmmmm

I'm bored. Stuck in math class with nothing to do. Done my work, have nothing to catch up on, and no way I can sleep. Not that any of that really matters.

Last night was the preview performance of the school play 'The Curious Savage' tonight is the offical opening night. Last night was fun. It went down with only a few mishaps. A phone for example. In one scene the phone rings, Dr. Emmett rushes to get it and he answerd 'Hello... (bla bla bla)' and the phone rang again, while he was holding it. It's moments like that that I absolutly LOVE being backstage, because you can laugh and not get in trouble for breaking character. I have no character to break. We also have our own little version of Ponoccio in our play. It's one of the characters son John Tomas is a doll throught the whole play, but at the end when you get to see the characters as how they see themselves and their lives, he's a real boy! So backstage had lots of jokes about Ponoccio, and because the doll is creepy people would make fun of it as well. The boy playing the live John Tomas is quite cute (for a little 8 year old playing a 5 year old).

So why am I filling this blog with pointless rambles about nothing important? I don't know. I felt like it. I tend to fill in silences and blanks with pointless rambles. I annoy the heck out of people doing it too. I just can't help it, I don't think about it, the bluttering just come out without my thinking about it.

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Oh chaple yesterday was intriging. It was an hour long! Normally that would be cause for groaning and complaining. But it wasn't. The speaker was really good. He was talking about a whole bunch of things, and I won't try to copy it. But he spoke about us being salt and light (it's like GC all over again), and how we don't yell at meat going bad, so we can't blame society for going wrong when we are doing nothing to perserve it.

He was also talking about self harm and such. Apparently 1 in 6 teens have a problem with self harm, depression, sucied and such. I hang out in a group of six girls so that could be one of us. As well he said that by the time were his age (he's 36) 1 in 3 girls will have been assulted. That's another possible two in our group. Now assuming that the one with problems of self harm is not one of the two who are assulted that's 50% of my group! That struck all of us hard.

Well the bell is going to ring soon. LUNCH!!!!!

Type to ya later.

Aurum.

Nerves, jitters, and just plain being tired.

What a wonderful couple of weeks I've been having. Well, week anyway. I've gotten full into the swing of helping out backstage. The teacher in charge of the backstage broke her ankle so she can't do as much as she usually does, and no one else signed up to work backstage this year, so I have a lot more responsibility backstage then I had the last two years. But, thankfully, there is a lot less to do on the whole this year. Just really set the stage once. With a couch, a love seat, three chairs, an art easel, books into a shelf, and such. The rest is making sure people don't run off with the props, occasionally going on between scenes to clear everything up. But I don't think I really have to do that, I'm not sure. I also get the fun job of chasing people down. Honestly I think I'm to lose wait working backstage this year. It's going to be fun.

Now that has been one of the highlights of me week. Youth; which is usually one of the things I look forward to each week; was a low light. I was in a sour mood almost the whole time, and really was just hating it. Now to just say it was a mood swing, or that I was just tired would be a full out and out lie. I was sour because of very stupid and selfish reasons. They started of the night officially by people who were on the LA missions trip coming up and talking about it. I had really wanted to go on that trip, and my mom said no and was a major roadblock so I couldn't go, and I didn't really want to listen to how much fun they had. Also with it came testimonies. I really really dislike listening to testimonies. Again because of DCS. And while they were talking they would bring up something that would click with another member of the group who went to LA and they would all be going 'oh ya, I remember that' which led the the sour that "The trip down memory lane is only for those who made the path to begin with." I was very sour and it was my own fault I know.

What else? I've been really spiritually blah this week. I finished the book of Psalms last week, and then had to decide 'What do I read next. Isiah or Jeremiah?' I picked Isiah because it was before Jeremiah so that when I finish Isiah I can go right into Jeremiah, but I haven't been reading it much. I think I'm still on the second or third chapter. There is sixty some chapters in that book and some of them aren't toothpick sized chapters either!

I just got back from this weeks small groups (finally! I've been waiting for forever; six weeks really; for it to start up again). We were talking about... about... darn I can't remember the exact word but it was basically about how to keep us from being the person whose marriage is falling apart, or being the girl who sleeps with the boys, we have to get ride of the things that separate us from God. Even the really really small things that don't seem important. If God tells us to do some thing, or get rid of something we have to. It was basically about being faithful in the little things so that God can give you bigger things. And then me, being the ever so curious big questioning mouth I am, started asking a million and five questions. First about speaking in tongues, and then onto other things that is going to sound really really really weird when I type them out, which I am going to do so be prepared for the weird. Or at least my definition of weird.

See with me I get feelings. Like something is going to happen and whatnot. I'm not spykik(sp?) because A) I can't actually tell you what exactly is going to happen, just that something is going to happen. B) I'm not getting these feelings from the dead. and C) I don't believe spykik's(sp?) really work. So anyway, for the longest time now I have had the feeling that something is going to happen. And not just anything, something big. The oddest thing is that I feel like I'm going to play some important role in it. And because of this I always feel like there's a huge war in my mind. As if Satan and God have picked my mind to be their battle ground. To me that sounds really vain though, "Oh, something big is going to happen and God is going to use me in a very important way." To me that just sounds vain. And anyway how do I know God is actually going to use me in this big way or if its just my mind manipulating this feeling of something is going to happen and twisting it to say 'your going to be a huge part of it.' I guess I could argue to that thought that I wouldn't willingly of my own earthly desire play a major part of anything. I'm backstage crew, not the star of the show. Even when auditioning I try out for the smaller parts. The reasons I feel like something is coming, comes from a lot of things.
These things I call Puzzle Peaces because its like one big puzzle to me. It's as if I'm starring at a 1000 peace puzzle that has no edge or corner peaces, and all the peaces are black, and you don't know if it's don't correctly until you have all the peaces and then the puzzle turns to colour.

These wonderful peaces are, the story of Samuel, which will lead me to something else, that I'll get to later. This story just kept popping up in my mind, over and over and over again and I didn't know which story it was, so I actually had to ask my small group what story it was. The next was also something that popped up in my head was Timothy. I should read Timothy, so I did, mainly because at the time I was bored and had nothing else to do. I read it and I came about the verse in 1 Timothy 4:12 which says 'Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.' Now these two peaces don't say that something is coming. These two almost seems to say, 'your going to play a big part in it.' The last peace is two peaces really that came glued together. It's a story and a dream. In the dream I'm in church, all the chairs are facing forward, not in our Church's somewhat straight semi-circle, everyone was talking (because I go to a social church) but everyone was sitting, except me. I was either in a bunch of chairs, or I was in one of the rows. But I was standing with one story of the Bible running through my head, and the thought of 'somethings coming'. A few other things I noticed was that the legs of the chairs did not look thick enough to support that people, but they did, and that although there is no windows near where I was, and the walls and ceiling were up, it was as bright as if the sun was shining in the room. The story that went with this dream is the story of Jehoshaphat. How he and his army had to defend Israel (or where they attacking?) and on his way out to battle he sent out singers and dancers to praise God ahead of his army and when they arrived at where the battle was to take place, the enemy had already been defeated.

Now the thing about Samuel, was that all day today I kept hearing someone calling my name. I really thought nothing of it. I would turn whenever I heard my name, and see no one, and thought 'huh, hearing things.' It wasn't until I was at my small group and telling them about this did I think of Samuel, and after I thought of it, a friend of mine actually said, "Doesn't it remind you of Samuel."

Wow this is getting to be very long. I won't keep you reading too much longer I promise.

The only thing that I'm trying not to let erke me is that I don't know what is coming, when it's coming, and what part I really have in it. My friend; the one mentioned above; said 'it was like the Eternity play you don't know what part you get until a couple days before hand.' To me its like a math equation. A+B=C. With the Eternity play A=What, the play. B=auditioning. C=what part your going to play, actually cast with lines, or angel. With this its more of A=Something is coming, but I don't know what. B=I don't know know when. C=I don't know what part I'm going to play. So I'm really dealing with D+P=Z for all that I know. Now I know that God will reveal His plan in His own timing and that I should be patient and all, but it is almost unnerving know that something is coming, but not know what, when, or how it will happen. But for the moment I'll let God know all of this. I'm sure that if I really know what was going on I wouldn't want to because it would either be A) really horrible. or B) ruin the surprise now that I know.

Nighty night all. I have a full day of school tomorrow. (Well not school. Play rehearsal at school on the first day that it is sunny and warm at the same time. God please help me with this really big little thing.)

Night people.

Aurum.

It's been a while

It has been a while hasn't it? Spring break has come and gone. The Eternity play at church has come and gone. And the school play is coming. Spring break was alright. The first week was BORING! Nothing interessting happened. The next week though, was a lot better. On Tuesday I went to Seattle with my youth for a Youth Confrence, on Wednesday we were still at the conference, and Thursday we finished the confernce and came home. I was going to to post all the notes that I took on here, but then I never got around to it, and there was a ton of them. And I can't now because I'm at school (I don't have the notebook AND the keyboard of the computer I'm on is terrible).

And the school play is back. We're doing the Curious Savage. NO I'm not in the play, I'm in the backstage crew again. I love working in the backstage crew. I think its probably a lot more fun then being in the cast.

Well the bell is going to go in four minutes so I should get off. I have a Bible class to get to, followed by play rehursals, and then I have to buy a friend a birthday gift and go to her party!!!!

Type to ya'll later.

Aurum.

And... We're Awake!!!

Alright I'm not totally recovered from Daylight savings yet, but I'm not grumpy anymore. Which is good. I'm still tired, but spring break is coming up (now that is springy) so I'll be able to catch up on all the sleep I've losted since we came back from Christmas Break.

Today was interessting. The last two classes were shortened so that we could have a commisioning assembly. A bunch of missions teams are going out over spring break. One of my bestest friends is on one of the trips. She's going to Costa Rica. She leaves tomorrow.

My youth is down in LA on a missions trip as well (the one I wanted to go on. Did I mention this earlier?) So yesterday the youth was cut down in half and then some. There was more girls then guys, and there was four maybe five people who were actually in highschool. The rest were middle schoolers. We were watching a Youth Bites on Raves and escapism. And after we were in small groups talking about it, and my youth leader had asked what escapism was like, and I blurted out "spiritual cavities." This idea came about because he said constintly trying to escape reality through raves, or music, or book, or TV was like candy. Alright once in a while, but not in excess. And then we were coming up with a whole line of spiritual dentistry. The list being:

Escapism and sin: Cavities

Prayer: Emanil

Bible: Toothbrush

Worship: Toothpaste

Love: Gold fillings

Faith: Silver fillings

Hope/joy: White fillings

Jesus: Dentist

Holy Spirt: Dental Hygienist

Yes we were on task.

Anyway. Ich must schlafen, und tazen gehen. (I have to go sleep. And dance.) Dance first.

Nighty-night.

Aurum.

Way To Tired

Who ever thought of the idea of daylights savings? He should have to wear a sign that says "I don't value sleep! I'm really odd!" I am so tired. It took me TEN minutes to get out of bed this morning! TEN MINUTES! All because of the stupid 'spring ahead' stupidity. It ain't springy to loose sleep! I NEED SLEEP!

Enough of me mumbling. Well I talked to my phineas group leader about the whole other group thing, and it turns out the youth paster doesn't know me well enough to let me lead a group. (I, of course, am completely happy. I now don't have to figure out to get OUT of leading a group of pre-teens!)
Anyway. I'm in the middle of math class, nothing important is going on. I've just finished a quiz and am waiting for the rest of the class to hurry up and finish it as well. I'm also trying not to fall asleep. Again blame the guy without a mind that made this stupid dailightsavings for this.

Toodles.

Aurum.

And so the insanity continues

Well this has been an interesting couple of weeks. Full of ups downs and round a whatever-there-called. One long endless roller coaster. Sometimes one long endless boring roller coaster. I don't like roller coasters. To darn scary. But that's besides the point.

I had gotten this idea for a group in my youth. For the pre-teen and younger teen girls, on dressing modestly and getting away from obsessing about about brand name clothes and make-up and 'looking' good. I told my Phineas (small group/cell group) leader about this and she actually told the youth paster about it. Now I do not know as of yet what he said about it, but I know that I really don't like the idea any more. As I think as it was my idea i would be asked to lead it, and I'm not good with people as I've said before. I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE! I'm not a people person. I would die of humiliation before I even started talking. And if I didn't die of humiliation then I wouldn't make it past actually talking to them. And if I somehow did I would sound hypocritical with what I was talking about. On the whole it was a very bad idea. Or a very good idea if someone else will lead it.

And then after I've decided that this was a terrible idea never to be thought of again (not that it doesn't constantly pop up into my mind wanting me to think about it) I started to retreated as I every so often do into a black cocoon. No I do NOT spin a cocoon around myself I am not a Caterpillar. This is just what I call it when I decided that the world is quite pointless, I don't really fit into it, and people stink. I do this about once twice three, six times a year (OK maybe not six, but I do it at least twice). I sort of feal like I could go into this cocoon for real and I wouldn't notice how black it was because everything is so dark. Granted part of why I felt this way was because I had just watched this movie called Danika. It was supposed to be suspense thriller whatever you want to call it type of movie. The back sounded promising, but the movie stunk. After watching this movie I was thinking 'Well that was a waist of my time.' But then that night, I was thinking about it, and I really started thinking about retreating into the cocoon. But fear not, I didn't. The next day at Church I was fine, and now, Tuesday, I'm back to normal. Whatever normal is for me.

I'll probably post again soon to say what the youth paster said about the idea. How this week went, and all that fun wonderful stuff.

Stay happy.

Aurum.

Insert random happy mushy gushy stuff here

Today has been an absolutely wonderful day. You know those days that it just seams that everything will go right, and the things that don't don't really seam to matter much? Well, it was one of those days. So bright and cheery and happy and wonderful-like.

It started out this morning (go figure) and it was bright and sunny and pretty. So I get up, dressed, do my hair, eat, and leave for school. Its cold outside, but not cold enough to make you want to bundle up. Really pretty. And the sky... it was so pretty. At the edge of what you could see it was a light powder blue and slowly faded into the deep blue that you want to cut a slice out of and keep forever. The bus was boring. And then at school I have to cross the field to go from bus stop to school, and because its a field there is grass, and because it was winter the grass had frost on it, BUT because it was sunny out the sun was reflecting off the grass so it looked like diamonds were sprinkled across the grass. It was so pretty. I wish I had a camera (and now that I think of it, I did, but at the time I didn't think of me cell and its pictures aren't as pretty). School was fine. It went by really fast. After school was nice and cozy. It wasn't warm, but it wasn't cold. I had to cross the field; which sadly did not have the frost on it anymore; to get to the bus. I took the bus farther then I usually did because I had to get my glasses. Now, I know I picked these glasses out myself, and I really did honestly truly like them when I picked them out, I put them on and was thought "Why did I pick these? There horrible?" But it was to late to back out as they were already paid for. I think it was just that I'm not used to them, and they are really different from my old ones.

On the plus side with my glasses if I look at the reflection of a light bulb or light in general from the lenses, its green. Don't know why, but its kinda cool. And then tonight at dance I happened to look up before going into the studio and spotted the stars. And wow. Just wow. They were so pretty. They weren't all out, and from where I was you couldn't see much anyway. But they were so pretty. They weren't the big/littlish globs of twinkling lights that you see. It was like someone had stretched black construction paper over the sky, took a thumbtak and punched holes in it and held a light up to it. It was so pretty. More people should see little things like diamonds in the grass, and thumbtak attacked stars, and sky so blue you want to cut out a peace to keep. Because I think if people were really to see these they wouldn't be able to doubt that God exists. I mean the changes of all this beauty happening, and happening on the same day. HA!!!

Oh, I should mention that I am going insane, thanks to Bible class. Our teacher has this project were we have to do something 'radical' like giving up something or doing something you normally wouldn't do for one week. This is because we are learning about the Anabaptist's and how they were quite radical for there time. So since last Tuesday (tomorrow is my last day...) I have not written a story or a poem. I know for most people that's no big deal but I love writing! And to make it worse I've had a story idea in my head for the WHOLE TIME!!!!! Insanity is about to kick in, so if I don't write for a long period of time (more the three or four months) that's because I don't think they let you have computers in a mental ward. I should note here that I haven't cheated on this yet and wrote anything, ALTHOUGH if it was to last any longer then a week I'd be 'pigging out' so to speak on writing when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Anyway since I last posted nothing big has happened. I've gotten what I call puzzle peaces, which I won't explain on here because its complicated and I have to go to bed soon. I've learned I have no choice in anything anymore. I have started to miss my Bible (I left it in my locker just ONCE because my hands were full and I spend the whole weekend missing it, when I wouldn't have read it if I had had it anyway most likely). And other then that my life has been quite boring and there is nothing to report.

OH, and I passed all my classes. I barely passed Bio (but I passed). My new classes are fun and this is defiantly my easy semester.

Aurum.

Christiana

OK, so I haven't updated since the beginning of LAST month (which, by default, means I haven't updated ALL YEAR!!!!!! *gasp*) But that's just because I have found nothing of interest to write about. Lets face it, I live a very boring life. The most interesting thing that has happened is that I think I pulled a muscle in my neck reaching for the dust cover of a book that was over the side of my bed. (How I did that was beyond me. Now it feels like I have a really bad kink in my neck).

Well I did finish the ending of my story (I only started the beginning today, but I finished the ending a couple days ago), and have decided that except for the last line I have to re-write parts of it. I'm going to have to put in more dialog (this will be the part were Cryptee finds out that Moren has always been the better deceiver, and proof is that despite what she has been led to believe the whole book *and her whole life* Moren is stronger then her). But I am keeping the last line:

"And so evil destroys evil. For that is the nature of evil, to implode on itself while exploding on everything else." ~ Cryptee

Oh, last night I was reading 'Little Pilgrims Progress.' Its a child version of the actual book (in other words its been adapted so that children can read it, understand it, and enjoy it. I would like to read it with big people words). And I can't help but think that Christiana is quite lucky. I mean her brothers and sister (basically her whole family) become Pilgrims of the King with her, I only really have my dad as a 'pilgrim' and even then I really have to wonder about it. She doesn't run into much trouble on the road to Celestial City. And most of all she has Braveheart, a guide and friend to help her on the way to Celestial City, and to answer and explain every question she might have about the King.

And while sure, I have people who I can talk to (Dawn, Melissa, Stephanie, ext.) I don't really know them that well. Sure, I knew Dawn really great, but I haven't seen her in three years, and haven't really talked to her that long. I haven't really talked to Melissa since I switched Churches (and didn't know her well enough to share deep dark secrets when I did talk to her), and I really just met Stephanie.

As well I'm not the type of person people really want to be around long. I'm lazy, selfish, and a loudmouth. I talk way more then I listen, I sometimes could really care less how others feel. I act first, think later (even when I try not to), and end up hurting people. Its kinda funny, I go to a school that is about community, a church that's two main focus's (besides God) are people and food and I couldn't feel more cut of from people if I tried. Most of it is probably my fault, I tend to push people away, just so they won't eventually get hurt by my self-centered thoughtless behaviour.

Well, that's life for ya.

By the way MERRY CHRISTMAS and Happy New Year. Maybe 2008 will be better then 2007.

Aurum.